By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
I thought mannequins were bad.
I thought having social distancing mannequins at restaurants was creepy, but that was before I knew about a South Korean soccer club using sex dolls to fill the empty stands.
Verdict: At least people were grossed out enough that the club apologized, but that’s the only sliver of non-doom to be found in this.
Hockey Helps Everything
Hockey and family. What could be better? This Stanley Cup-winning dad is doing a good job. Bonus points for her little battle cry.
Verdict: I’m as sad as the next girl that hockey isn’t happening (actually, as a Red Wings fan, it might be a small mercy), but it’s allowing for sweet moments like this – and Dylan Larkin with his fluffo puppy. Keeping an eye on what matters (hockey, family, and dogs) is how we skirt the doom.
Quarantine can be fun
This family does the best thing. Every day, mom and dad teach their three kids a song, and they record it in the afternoon.
Verdict: This is the kind of stuff that lasts forever, long after we forget about meiosis, which is the opposite of mitosis, whatever that is.
What?
This guy invented a social distancing stick so we know when we’re 6 feet away from each other. What I’m saying is he invented a stick. At least be fun and creative and come up with something like bumper tables.
Verdict: If this guy gets rich, we are completely doomed.
That’s a bingo.
We all know that Will & Kate are infinitely better than their formerly-royal counterparts. Case in point:
Verdict: The Queen has always said she has to be seen to be believed. During this time, the royals can’t go out and do their regular engagements to be seen, so they’ve adapted with the times and are doing fun things like this. I love their outreach.
Art is art
I laughed out loud through a lot of this video, so it’s easy to overlook that this is actually pretty impressive.
Verdict: The people making the best of and finding fun in a bad situation are the best people, and the only people keeping us from doom.
Doing good
This couple created a nonprofit that is helping small businesses get through this hard time. It’s so effective that it’s being used all around the country.
Verdict: This is how we ensure we’re not doomed- by helping each other. Person to person.
Good music helps
I really like Ernie Mannix’s music, and I am the biggest sucker you’ve ever met for a song in 6/8 time. Here’s his new one about the yuckiness of quarantine life.
Verdict: We all feel like this, right? Feeling connected will keep us safe from the doom at the door.
In the final analysis…I feel like I must have missed something, because there is virtually no doom this week. Is the world healing itself?
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editor@velvethamster.com. Let me help!