My wife and I have a tradition that started about 10 years ago. During the last full week of May, we go to the Snacks & Sweets show at McCormick Place. Ever since seeing Homer Badman nearly 30 years ago (Christ Almighty), I’ve wanted to dress up in my finest trench coat and steal the Gummi De Milo. Unfortunately, every year I am left surrounded by the finest snacks and candies but no Gummi De Milo. This year will be no different. Also, since everything sucks, the show has decided to move to Indianapolis of all places. Speaking of suck…
Open season at the beach! All Chicago beaches are now open for the summer! I mean, they were never REALLY closed, but now you can go in the icy cold water. Truthfully, Chicago beaches don’t actually open until August. Unfortunately, by then Milwaukee has dump tons of their shit into the lake making our beaches E. Coli infested nightmares.
Airplane door causes minor inconvenience. In South Korea this week, some dude decided to open up a door while the plane was 700 feet in the air. A dozen people were “slightly” hurt. It’s unclear to me how one is only “slightly” hurt when one of those doors get opened. Hollywood has led me to believe that half the plane would get sucked out into the void. Speaking of the void…
Presidential dumpster fire. It’s about to be Presidential silly season as we gear up for the 2024 election. On Wednesday night, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis launched his campaign in an extremely symbolic way. His launch conversation on Twitter was full of glitches prompting former President Donald Trump and current President Joe Biden to roast his ass. Basically, everything is already awful about this election and it’s just getting started.
Grab your giardiniera popcorn! Plenty to see this weekend. You could see Bert Kreischer’s real-life-inspired movie debut, The Machine. You could see Sebastian Maniscalco reboot Meet the Parents in About My Father. Or you could go full woke and see The Little Mermaid. I’m sure you’ll be disappointed in any of those movies. Might as well BBQ up some delicious hot dog sandwiches and smother them in ketchup. That’s sure to be more enjoyable.