School’s out for summer or if it isn’t, it will be soon. Parents everywhere just groaned a sigh of resignment. This means that kids will be hanging around houses, driving parents batty, and just acting like shits. The older ones seem to be rounding into form early. I saw one kid pissing on a fence in broad daylight. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. Add in some cheap green beer and you’d think it was St. Patrick’s Day. Come to think of it, that’s how I’d describe summer time.
Senate eliminates student debt relief, keeps all their perks. President Joe Biden rode the “free money” train to get elected in 2020. Unlike some of his other promises, he kept this one. However, the Senate voted on Thursday to repeal the relief plan. Several Senators were heard saying that “those entitled millennials need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get a $174k a year job that requires fornicating thousands of people daily.”
Feel Good Show Ends. This week marked the end of fan favorite Ted Lasso. We’re not be fans of spoilers, so just go watch. Now the country needs to turn to Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney to make anyone care about Soccer, at least until the next World Cup anyways.
Blackhawk down. It’s that time of year when the President heads off to college graduations and impresses the value of hard work and absolutely not the importance of winning the birth lottery. On Thursday, it was the Air Force’s turn. But while congratulating the graduating cadets, President Biden took a mighty tumble. The President seems to fall more than Mary Catherine Gallagher while failing to be half as endearing.
New Releases for the weekend. Once the calendar turns to June, all the blockbusters start to come out. This week, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse shoots onto screens across the country. It may not be high cinema, but it’s probably a decent watch unlike The Boogeyman. We all know he’s real and that’s exactly why you never hang your foot off the bed while sleeping. Lebron James releases a movie about Lebron James. The one thing we know about all the GOATS is that they definitely feel the need to toot their own horns and tell everyone how great they are. I’m sure that the dozen people who suffered through Space Jam 2 will rush out to see this one too.
Cutler Kills Bears. Earlier this week, Jay Cutler killed a bear while hunting in Montana. Some folks may be astonished that he he communing with nature, but I’m just amazed that people are shocked by this. Lord knows Cutler was killing the Bears for nearly 10 years.
Chicago Falcons. News recently came out that some peregrine falcons have been nesting downtown and procreating. Normally, this wouldn’t be news except for the fact that these falcons have been dive bombing folks on the river walk. I haven’t seen falcons dive this badly since Super Bowl LI.