By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I will take the latest news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Ask your father.
How many times have you asked your dad how to do something or wished you could? Well, you’re not alone. Meet Rob, who is making YouTube videos to show you how to do the kind of stuff your dad would know. His own dad left his family when he was young, so he knows what it’s like to be need fatherly guidance. He chose to use that experience in a positive way so that other kids have somebody to help them out. Here’s just one example:
Verdict: As long as people are willing to help one another like he’s doing, we’re going to be just fine.
Dogs deserve everything.
We should all endeavor to make dogs this happy.
Verdict: It’s possible you’ve heard me say this before and probable you will hear me say it again – if we all spent our lives trying to deserve dogs, the world would be the best place. This family is doing their part to make sure we’re not doomed. If you need help trying to figure out how to deserve dogs, take a look at how this dog loves his sister.
Why would you think that works?
I like cocktails as much as the next girl, but this is now how masks work.
Verdict: We are fully doomed if people are this dumb. Either they believe masks work and think this will work, or they don’t think masks work so it’s some kind of fashion statement. Either way, I sense doom here.
I’ll just starve, thanks.
If you’re going to a Michelin-starred restaurant, you’re not just looking for a nice meal. You’re looking for a great meal, fantastic ambience, and an unforgettable experience. Which is why the Inn at Little Washington might want to rethink their plan to fill half of their seats with midcentury mannequins as they reopen at 50 percent capacity.
Verdict: Nobody wants this creepiness and, if a seemingly decent place like this thinks we do, we’re doomed.
Congratulations
It’s hard for people getting married in a pandemic. What do you do? Delay the wedding? Just invite a few people? The silver lining is that is also leads to heartwarming moments like this where people do something nice for a complete stranger just because.
(Watch the whole thing or start here to see how a whole bunch of celebrities pulled together for this couple)
Verdict: Be kind, avoid doom.
I don’t trust this hospital.
If you go to a hospital that has these beds, just go home (that’s not real medical advice, don’t sue me).
Verdict: To some people, human life has such little value? The doom inherent in this is heartbreaking and complete.
Above and beyond.
ESL teacher Lucia Lira has a very special 7 year-old in her class. When that child and both of her parents became ill with coronavirus just after a new baby was born (5 weeks prematurely!), they didn’t know where to turn. They needed the baby to be somewhere safe, so Lucia took the baby in, making sure she was safe and cared for while the family recovered.
Verdict: Help each other out. It doesn’t sound that hard, does it? It’s the best way to keep us free from doom.
Is this real?
When I saw that it was suggested that a huge Joe Biden hologram be created to hit the campaign trail, I assumed it was satire. I poked around and it appeared to be real. I work for a satire site and I couldn’t tell. My editor assures me this is actually real life, so yell at him if we’re wrong.
Verdict: When we can’t tell what is real in a presidential election, we’re doomed…and I have a feeling we haven’t even seen the weird in this election yet.
None shall pass.
Admit it, we all wish we could build a pillow fort sometimes. Fortunately, IKEA is here to help, with this guide on how to make all kinds of different structures from caves to castles. They all show IKEA furniture, but I believe in your ability to improvise.
Verdict: The world would have a lot less doom in it if we lightened up and had a little more fun. And snuggled. A pillow fort is a great way to accomplish all of that.
Erudite penguins.
It turns out that even the beasties in the zoos have been going a little stir-crazy as quarantine leaves them without the interaction they’re used to. In Kansas City, the Nelson-Atkins Museum invited the local penguins to come over “for a morning of fine art and culture.”
Verdict: Definitely no doom.
Congratulations, grads!
Shout out to this dad who built a stage in his front yard so his daughter could have a real graduation experience.
Verdict: The world needs dads like this. No doom here.
In the final analysis, this was quite a week. We have scary dolls, useless masks and a weird hologram. However, we also have great dads, pillow forts, and animals. On the balance, the world is doing kind of OK. The doom is at bay…at least for another week.
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editor@velvethamster.com. Let me help!