Leading theologians have determined that Jesus invented Instagram so that people could post Ash Wednesday selfies.
Using recently discovered texts, the Rosetta Stone, and their own wishes, these experts have come to a consensus on this hot-button issue.
“It has become clear to us that Jesus wanted to use Instagram to troll for likes on sacred days,” said Todd Prater, Executive Director of Influencers for Jesus. “You get to show everyone that you love Jesus, and your followers get to show their appreciation for what a great person you are. It’s humbling to have hundreds of people notice that you are, in all likelihood, better than them. Jesus was the original influencer, so he knew what he was doing when he invented the gram.”
Calls to the Pope were not returned in time for publication.