Contrary to popular belief and human experience, a recent study has found that time continues to exist between Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

Dr. Bill Tempus, who headed the study, said that his research proves beyond all doubt that there is an entire week between the holidays. While most people spend this week in a haze of binging television and carbohydrates with a vague sense of the suns position changing in the sky, this actually indicates the passage of time. 

Tempus is currently researching whether or not calories have the same effect during these newly-discovered days. The Hamster has independently verified that they do not, we think.