Scientists have concluded that the recent Netflix reality series “Love is Blind” proves unequivocally that there are no fish left in the sea.
“We began to suspect when we saw multiple women fighting over Barnett, whose key personality trait was being a douchebag,” said lead researcher Helga Higginbotham. “It definitely suggested that there were no decent men left. When Jessica was willing to throw away what seemed to be a good man for this douchenozzle, we realized that women are also beyond hope.”
At the time of publication, Velvet Hamster was unable to confirm if Jessica’s fiancé Mark is secretly unacceptable or if he was broken by her complete lack of humanity. Either way, it is unlikely that the last male fish in the sea has been rendered undateable.
We extend our sympathies to singles around the world for this news, but you honestly already knew.