A significant spike in vasectomies has been reported across the country as grade schoolers everywhere are coming home with recorders.

The plastic recorder – an internal duct flute instrument with a whistle mouthpiece, sometimes referred to as an obnoxious little piece of shit – is popular in elementary schools to introduce students to music. However, the sound it makes is pushing the nation’s parents to make sure they don’t have another kid.

“I’ve enjoyed being a parent, really,” said John Bruner, 38. “It’s enlightening. But after hearing the screeching violent sounds of the recorder, I realized I can only go through this experience once.”

With the spike in customers, vasectomy clinics are offering promotions to thank customers, including BOGOs and 50% off deals, though few customers have taken those offers up.