A local man has consumed all of the content on the internet despite only being a few days into his quarantine, the Velvet Hamster can confirm.

“I didn’t realize I was nearing the end,” said the man, who wishes to remain anonymous. “I was just watching and clicking and binging and listening and, suddenly, there was nothing else. I was done.”

Our thoughts go out to him during this difficult time in which we understand he’s had to interact with his family.