Welcome to Hamsterscopes. The hamster has looked into the stars to tell you what to expect in the next week.

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

You will decide to start drinking more water, but give up.

Pisces (February 19- March 20)

The vending machine won’t take your dollar bill

Aries (March 21-April 19)

There will be no sports news for you this week.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

A light bruise will be discovered on your body and you won’t remember how it got there.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Your sock will slide down in your shoe.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

This week, you will go to bed early but screw around on your phone instead of going to sleep

Leo (July 23-August 22)

This week’s menu will include chicken.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

You can expect to experience weather in the days ahead

Libra (September 23-October 22)

Many of your friends will post the same meme

Scorpio (October 23- November 21)

When the toilet won’t flush, you just need to jiggle the handle

Sagittarius (November 22- December 21)

There will not be enough time for the things you actually feel like doing

Capricorn (December 22- January 19)

You will forget the same person’s name for the umpteenth time