Welcome to Hamsterscopes. The hamster has looked into the stars to tell you what to expect in the next week.

Aquarius (January 20- February 18): Your neighbor’s dog will never stop barking. You must accept this.

Pisces (February 19- March 20): Tying your shoes in double knots will not prevent your shoelace from becoming untied at an inconvenient moment this week.

Aries (March 21-April 19): When a lightbulb goes out, you will plan to change it “tomorrow.” Instead, you will not.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): When the bookmark falls out of your book this week, you will never find your place again.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): You will forget to water your plants again this week, plant killer.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): You will add things to your to-do-list faster than you cross them off.

Leo (July 23-August 22): As summer approaches, your hair will grow increasingly large.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)
: A detailed schedule for the week will turn out to be useless when you ignore it.

Libra (September 23-October 22): This week, Libra will put a pan in the sink to soak and ignore it for several days.

Scorpio (October 23- November 21): The weeding that needed to be done still needs to be done, and will into the future.

Sagittarius (November 22- December 21): Despite the need to stop and take a deep breath this week, you will not.

Capricorn (December 22- January 19): Your social media feed will be filled with attention-seeking behavior this week.