A local employee’s mild case of the Mondays worsened Monday, as he learned it’s spread to his lungs, brain and soul.

Michael Dawton, 33, has had a mild case of the Mondays for roughly 11 years since he began working at his midsize insurance company. The diagnosis began worsening recently, though, with the addition of several “check ins” with his 14 bosses and the elimination of summer hours. Today, while on his 7th consecutive Zoom meeting of the afternoon, he found out the Mondays has spread to his lungs, brain and soul.

“The doctors said I’ve consumed too much corporate bullshit,” Dawton said. “Had I not consumed so much bullshit in my office the past decade I may be a little less grumpy, but now it’s taking my lungs, my brain and is sucking the life out of my soul. I’ve been prescribed Advil and to quit my job.”

The Mondays are going around lately, as they’ve been spreading rapidly for the last 50 or so years. It is recommended strongly to preemptively quit your job.