By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
I thought that Gwyneth Paltrow selling a candle that smelled like her ladygarden was bad, but finding out how they came up with said fragrance is even worse.
Verdict: The fact that people choose to work at this place and the candle sold out are two pieces of very compelling evidence that we are, in fact, doomed.
Help your community
Helping the person next to you, the person in your community, is the best way to change the world. That’s what this electrician did.
Verdict: Look at all of these people who chipped in to help a stranger? I think this world is going to be undoomed.
Sigh. More aliens.
It’s been a really anlieny year, hasn’t it?
Verdict: It doesn’t look good on the doom front, folks.
Thar she blows
Verdict: Is the Earth just burping or is it warning us of impending doom? Only time will tell.
Voting is essential
Old Navy stores are going to pay employees to work the polls this November as the pandemic threatens shortages in poll workers.
Verdict: Way to step up and encourage people do to their civic duty! I love it.
I’ll have a double
As one gets older, one is faced with uncomfortable questions about why the tooth fairy does what she does. Fortunately, one has no such qualms about New Jersey’s “booze fairies” leaving care packages on doorsteps.
Verdict: This is anti-doom. Having fun and giving someone a little unexpected treat.
We’re on a mission from God
The Vatican has officially declared The Blues Brothers a Catholic Classic, and I am here for it!
Verdict: We are not doomed!
That double hurricane last weekend were not nearly as devastating as they could be, so there’s reason to be hopeful, but there was still debris to be cleaned up.
Verdict: Clearing the debris, clearing the doom.
Freedom of speech
It matters, so this should not be happening.
Verdict: If people can’t even post about stuff on Facebook without getting arrested, we have real problems.
If we’re being honest, we’ve all worn something a little weird rather than do laundry at times. An outdated t-shirt, undies that have lost their stretch, maybe even mismatched socks. For one man in
Florida Oklahoma, he took it a step further and wore his birthday suit to Taco Bell.
Verdict: At least he went through the drive-through? That’s the only thing saving this story.
Nuts about this
This guy set up a squirrel bar with seven kinds of nuts “on tap” so that the little rodents wouldn’t get in the way of a neighbor’s bird watching.
Verdict: Helping a neighbor? Check. Having fun? Check. Being creative? Check. This guy knows what it takes to keep the doom from permeating.
In the final analysis… People are getting tacos in the buff and aliens are probably coming for us, but people are helping out their neighbors in ways big and small, so I think we’re going to be ok (for now).
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. Let me help!