By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
What’s in a name?
People are busy tearing down statues and renaming things. Thousands of people in Columbus, Ohio have signed a petition to rename their city FLAVORTOWN in honor of their native son, Guy Fieri. There’s also a petition to replace a statue of Columbus with one of Chef Boyardee. These are just two of countless examples.
Verdict: People need to know history and know what statue they’re tearing down or what name they decry before they go for it. We’re doomed if people can just go around the country tearing things and people down willy nilly. Yes, I said “willy nilly”.
Welcome home, Jamarius!
The youngest surviving preemie, Jamarius Jachin Harbor, Jr. who was born at only 21 weeks and 13 ounces, is now heading home! Six moths later, he weighs in at 9 pounds, and is ready to get started on life with his family.
Verdict: No doom! Modern medicine is an incredible thing.
NASCAR driver Bubba Wallace thought he found a noose in his garage at Talladega as a racist attack. Fortunately, that turned out not to be true, but it was great to see his community rally around him in support.
Verdict: This is downright hopeful! People supporting their colleague, and no racism behind it. Now, if we could only do something about the people who are despondent that there was no hate crime.
There now are social media pages dedicated to students exposing what they deem to be racism by other students.
Verdict: Let’s not get young people in the habit of turning in their peers for saying the wrong, bad things. That the slipperiest of slopes, and would certainly doom us.
Stay in your lane
An art collector in Spain paid €1,200 to have a 17th century painting restored…by a furniture restorer. Of course, it went horribly. Now, conservation experts in Spain are asking for legislation that would require this kind of work is only done by trained restorers.
Verdict: Rather than creating more laws, just educate people about how to take care of precious works of art. We’re doomed if we try to handle everything with more laws. Ick.
And the home of the brave
The internet is now trying to cancel The Star Spangled Banner, saying that our national anthem is bad because it’s racist or something (spoiler: it’s not). They want it replaced and have suggested such horrific replacements as John Lennon’s Imagine.
Verdict: If we are to remain the home of the brave, we can’t be this weak. We would be completely doomed.
In the final analysis…We can look on social media or watch the news and think that we just might be doomed, but look more closely. Look at the individual person around you – your neighbors, your community – and you’ll find that there is plenty of counterweight to the doom. We just need to keep adding to that.
AM I DOOMED?
I just asked a magic 8-ball if I should workout tonight. That’s how this whole “getting in shape” thing works, right?
Really don’t want to in Virginia
I’m afraid this doesn’t look good for you in terms of doom. Leaving one’s health and wellness to a magic 8-ball is not something I would recommend. The good news is that you’re not doomed yet, and you still have time to deal with this fitness thing. Just try to hide the workout in something fun. Play outside (if it’s not too hot) or have a dance party in the sweet, sweet air conditioning.
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. Let me help!