By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Now it’s worms.
We’ve had murder hornets, African bees, thing that stacks its old head on top of its new head…it’s been a rough summer. And now, here come the “invasive ‘jumping’ earthworms.” I really can’t take much more.
Verdict: Unless this culminates in Spider Man or Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, I’m pretty sure we’re doomed.
Where are the men?
Let’s not let this be a thing.
Verdict: We are super doomed if anyone wears this.
How does a virus work?
Verdict: I’m no virologist, but I’m pretty sure this level of stupidity will doom us.
39 missing and exploited children were found in Georgia this week (26 rescued and located another 13 safely) thanks to “Operation Not Forgotten”.
Verdict: We’re not doomed when people are out there fighting for these kids. We’re pretty doomed when this doesn’t make much bigger news.
Grandmas getting it done
In Japan, a group of grandmothers calling themselves “monkey busters” are protecting local farms. When they get a call, they grab their airsoft guns and chase the monkeys away before they can destroy crops.
Verdict: You’ve gotta love a bunch of grandmas protecting their neighbors from doom!
Elon Musk has unveiled a brain implant chip called Neuralink, and that’s a pass from me.
Verdict: We are completely doomed if we let people put computer chips into our brains.
A partnership for the ages
Putting things together!
Final analysis: Kids were rescued and Legos are branching out, but there are creepy worms and brain chips out there. We’re not doomed yet, but we have to be careful out there.
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. Let me help!