By Amelia Hamilton

Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.

Meet Myrtle

Everyone, please say hello to my new puppy Myrtle who only joined my family yesterday. 

Verdict: As I have made quite clear, dogs are the only thing keeping us from doom. With this level of cuteness, we’re bound to be OK.

Oh My Word

Dictionary.com has added some new words for 2021. New words include “supposably” which is most certainly not a word. 

Verdict: The dumbification of society proceeds at such a pace that we can’t be anything but doomed. 

Adults should be adults

This happened?

Verdict: Remember that mom in the 90s who murdered a cheerleading rival? At least this isn’t that, but it’s still plenty doomed. 

Cute, But No

I love knowing that even dinosaurs protected their eggs. But I hate knowing that some fool scientist is going to try to hatch them.

Verdict: Mixed bag. Undoom because she’s a sweet dinosaur mama, but completely doomed because I just don’t think this dino baby thing is going to end well. 

Pspspsps

Lions at the Denver Zoo had fun in a recent snow.

Verdict: Let’s all live like the lions. There’s nothing wrong with taking a deep breath and playing in the snow. In fact, enjoying the little things is how we stay safe from doom. 

Be nice, be prepared

I think people should all be nice to each other. Unfortunately, there are racists and commies out there who disagree, which leads me to option two – be prepared. An elderly woman was attacked in San Francisco, but fought back and sent her attacker to the hospital. Similarly, Asian-Americans are buying guns after a rise in hate crimes. 

Verdict: Hate is the epitome of doom. Protecting yourself is the exact opposite. 

I love to read

Verdict: We act jaded, but the world still has a lot to show us. We’re not doomed at all. 

In the final analysis… Myrtle is all that matters this week, so we’re fine. Congratulations, world!


Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editorial@velvethamster.com. Let me help!