By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Speed Racer
When he noticed that a little boy rode his bike into his driveway every day when walking with his mom, this man made the kid a race track to follow. And he did it again and again.
Verdict: How can we be doomed when people are this fun and thoughtful? We can’t.
Please don’t open them
A group of sealed, intact coffins have been found in Egypt. We really don’t need a mummy curse to round out 2020, so I hope they stay sealed.
Verdict: We could be incredibly doomed or not doomed at all. It just depends on whether or not they let these mummies be.
Going the extra mile
A Florida bride really wanted a wedding cake from Publix but – when Covid derailed her wedding plans – she ended up getting married in a state that didn’t have that supermarket chain. So, Publix sent her pre-baked layers, frosting, gum paste flowers, and the tools she’d need to do it herself – plus, one of their expert decorators did a zoom meeting to walk her through it.
Verdict: Flying a cake up to Minnesota and taking the time to help this bride is a sweet gesture that won’t be forgotten. I think this undid some doom in the world.
Gross
They’re apparently putting talking robots into elder care homes in the UK to keep residents company and I, for one, am pretty discouraged by that.
Verdict: Robots might be able to kind of carry on a conversation, but they aren’t people. They don’t really connect and they don’t love you. If a society thinks this is an acceptable substitute for spending time with their elders, we are doomed indeed.
Not exactly walking on water, but close enough
A man fell from his kayak in upstate New York and soon realized he may be in real trouble. He prayed for help, and help was soon delivered – in the form of a floating tiki bar filled with priests and seminarians.
Verdict: What, you thought priests didn’t have fun? Not doomed at all.
In the final analysis… This is a tough one. We have people getting robots to interact with their families so they don’t have to do it themselves and there might be a mummy curse, but priests and neighbors are out there helping others. Time will tell, but I think we might be safe for another week.
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editorial@velvethamster.com. Let me help!