By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Good job, Prancer
Recently, the hilariously honest adoption ad for foster dog Prancer went viral. In the post, Prancer’s foster mom lamented that there is “not a very big market for neurotic man hating, animal hating, children hating dogs that look like gremlins.” She described the chihuahua as “not a real dog, but more like the vessel for a traumatized victorian child that now haunts our home.” Well, good news. Prancer found a home!
Verdict: This just goes to show that there’s somebody out there for everybody and, perhaps, that honesty is the best policy. This foster mom was honest about Prancer, and his new mom was up to the task. We’re not doomed!
I can relate
I honestly love my birthday (it’s August 16, if you want to start preparing), but I’m not sure I’d date 35 people at once in a bid to get more presents. It sounds pretty exhausting, but I have to admire his hustle.
Verdict: It sounds pretty exhausting, but I have to admire his hustle. We’re probably doomed that he was willing to hurt all of these women to get gifts, but we are also doomed that he was arrested for doing so. Being a jerk doesn’t really seem like a matter for the police.
I love Turkmenistan?
I don’t know much about Turkmenistan, but I learned this week that they have dedicated a holiday to their national dog breed (the Alabai). Previously, the president has written an ode to the breed and had a golden statue erected.
Verdict: I’m pretty sure we’re not doomed as long as they don’t think this dog is a god or something. Otherwise, what do I always say? If we lived our lives to deserve dogs, we couldn’t possibly be doomed. They’re so wonderful. I mean, look at the joy my puppy has playing with an empty detergent bottle (yes, shameless link, but you have to see it).
In the final analysis… Once again, dogs are just about the only thing standing between us and utter disaster. Do better, humans.
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editorial@velvethamster.com. Let me help!