By Amelia Hamilton

Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.

Is this a monster?

For something that seems like a sea monster from some kind of a sea shanty, it has a fairly modern name. 

Verdict: I’m pretty sure this thing is a harbinger of doom. 

A humble hero

After a horrible car crash ejected a little girl from a truck into the bay below, a bystander dove into the water to save her. He wanted to remain anonymous, but his name got out. Now, we know who to thank. 

Verdict: Not only did this man risk his life to save a stranger, but he didn’t want attention for it. In this influencer-driven culture, that’s a breath of fresh undoom.

I understand little of this

Here’s a headline that just keeps getting weirder: “Ghost Forest Trees’ Farts Contribute to Climate Change, Study Says.” 

Verdict: This can’t be good, right?

Are you feeling it now?

Four year-old Noah got on his mom’s Amazon account and ordered 51 cases of Spongebob popsicles. That’s more than 9,000 popsicles costing more than $2,500. As a social work student, his mom just couldn’t afford this and didn’t know what to do. A classmate of Noah’s mom let the internet know and, in a matter of days, people chipped in more than $10,000 to help her out. The extra money will go to Noah’s education and the other support he will need for his autism. 

Verdict: We’ve all hit the “add to cart” button a little rashly, but poor Noah didn’t realize what he was doing. We must live in a pretty not-doomed world for it to end this way. 

You Don’t Actually Gotta Catch ‘Em All

Target is going to stop selling Pokémon and sports cards for now after a man was assaulted by other shoppers competing for the same ones. 

Verdict: Violence over the possibility that there’s something of value? Completely doomed. 

A dog story that confuses me

Have you seen Bunny the Dog? Her humans made her a collection of buttons that she can push to “talk” to them. Now, she seems to have some existential questions.

Verdict: You know that I’m incredibly pro dog, but something about this just weirds me out. You tell me – are we doomed?


In the final analysis… On the one hand, we have trading card violence and sea monsters from the depths of hell (or the ocean) but, on the other, we have people risking their lives and opening their wallets to help each other out. Are we safe for another week? Let me know what you think about Bunny and she can be the tie breaker.

Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editorial@velvethamster.com. Let me help!