By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Look for the helpers
In weeks like this one when it’s easy to focus on the madness around us and have our hearts weighted down with it, I like to take the advice Mr. Rogers got from his mom – look for the helpers.
Take The Barstool Fund for example. Barstool Sports decided to create a platform where people could donate to support small businesses who need help due to the COVID economic climate. Whether you chip in financially or buy one of their products, 100% of the money goes to businesses in need. They have raised more than $20 MILLION.
These are the lives they changed in a single day.
This is real change.
(Keep in mind that this is a big one, but Dave Portnoy and the folks at Barstool aren’t the only ones helping! There are so many people trying to make life better for people they don’t even know).
Verdict: We are not doomed as long as there are people willing to help others. Don’t despair.
Shoot for the stars
Farmworker turned astronaut Jose Hernandez is urging kids not to give up on their dreams – and Netflix is producing his story for everyone to see.
Verdict: The American Dream is alive and well, and we can’t possibly be doomed if we keep encouraging it.
Beam me up, Scotty
Quantum Teleportation Was Just Achieved With 90% Accuracy Over a 44km Distance. I copied and pasted that sentence from this article because I don’t know what it means.
Verdict: I have to assume this won’t be used for good and, therefore, we are doomed.
Gotta love Tim Hortons
When customers of a Tim Hortons in Ontario found out that their favorite fist-bumping employee Vishnu Gopan Sothliingan had dropped out of college for financial reasons, they decided to help. They started a GoFundMe to raise $10,000 for him and, as of the moment I’m writing this, 674 people have pitched in to raise a total of $27,518. Why? Because he’s kind and positive, and that makes a huge difference.
Verdict: A double lack of doom for this one. The kindness and positivity from Vishnu keeps the doom away from his customers and, in turn, they were there for him.
Is it behind the rabbit?
Squirrels are starting to attack people in the Queens, NYC. Here is a real quote that I swear I did not make up from a 56 year-old victim: “The squirrel didn’t care, it just wanted something – it wanted blood,” she said. “For a few days afterwards I would come out with a shovel, just in case, looking around.”
Verdict: The squirrels are revolting. They are organizing and they are fighting back for tall the times their buddies have been squished on the road, and that can mean only one thing – doom.
Thar she blows
Two previously-dormant volcanoes in the Caribbean have awoken.
Verdict: Doom.
Welcome!
In 2017 alien tech visited Earth (or so says a Harvard professor).
Verdict: I guess we’ll have to see. Probably doom, though.
In the final analysis… This has been a rough week. On top of the nonsense you’ve seen in the news, we’ve got volcanoes, aliens, and probably-evil teleportation. I get why you might think we’re doomed. Look again, though. People are doing incredible things to make their dreams come true and, more importantly, to help each other. How can we possibly be doomed with this many helpers?
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editorial@velvethamster.com. Let me help!