President Donald Trump has announced the “15 days to slow the spread of illegal votes” program in order to slow the inexorable march toward a Biden administration.

Building on the success of “25 days to slow the spread” which, after 241 days, is showing early promise, this program pledges to prevent double voting, voting in the wrong state, and votes by the dead.

“Just 15 days, 15,” Trump said. “That’s a little over two weeks. A week being 7 days, two of them plus one. 15. This is easy folks. Many people can’t believe how easy it is. And yet the Democrats don’t want to do it, even though it’s easy. They want more ballots, they can’t wait 15 days, just 15 days. And there are dump trucks full of ballots dropping everywhere, illegal ballots, ya know if you just count the legal ballots I win easily – just like we got Big Ten back, another thing no one wants to talk about – but illegal ballots, they steal the election. But 15 days. It’ll just take 15 days.”

HHS was unavailable for comment, but Velvet Hamster will update this story in the days and weeks of the 15 days develop.