President Donald Trump is reportedly telling those close to him he’s hoping to compromise with just soap in his mouth instead of actually be removed from office, as impeachment passed the House Wednesday.
Despite seeming confident publicly, the president is nervous.
“It was all over,” Trump reportedly said behind closed doors. “I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Mere child’s play compared to what surely awaited me!”
His attorney Rudy Giuliani tried to give him advice as to how to compromise.
“Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap,” Giuliani said. “Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor – heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand… YECCHH! “
It is unclear at this time if soap will be accepted as punishment. Impeachment passed the House on largely party lines, though Republicans insisted to Democrats they were shooting their eyes out electorally with the vote.