President Donald Trump has declared an early victory long before the polls have closed, citing his Wikipedia entry that shows he is still the president of the United States.
Trump tweeted “VICTORY!” before meeting reporters on the White House lawn, with the Wikipedia page open ready to show proof his early victory.
“We did it, tremendous showing,” Trump said, holding his laptop awkwardly over his head. “We did tremendous in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Ohio, Florida, California, everywhere. Really fantastic. Better than anyone could have imagined. Many of you in the fake news media didn’t see this coming, but we have terrific people. And look, you can see right here on Wikipedia – a little website called Wikipedia, I go here all the time – and you can see, 45th president. It has all my accomplishments business, The Apprentice, WWE. And it has president. It’s really something the Democrats tried to steal this election with the mail in ballots. Ballots, ballots, ballots. But you go here, you go to Wikipedia, and there it is, president. So we’re done here. Tremendous reelection. We were reeelected like never before. Believe me.”
The Hamster recommends still waiting until the poll closes before making determinations on who won anything.