President Donald Trump has announced the creation of his own tire line to rival Goodyear, in response to the latter company’s policy toward MAGA hats.

Trump Tires – the first of their kind square tires – are on the market now and promise to be “the best tires on the market, people are saying.”

“These tires are really terrific,” Trump said. “The rubber is really fantastic, wouldn’t you say? We had experts test these tires on all kinds of cars – sports cars, trucks, vans, go karts – but only American ones, right? We like American cars. But we had them test them and people said – smart people, people who try all kinds of tires – they said, ‘I can’t believe these tires. These are the best tires I’ve ever driven on.’ All four of them, great tires. And what Goodyear is doing, it’s a disgrace really. Their stock is plummeting. It’s disgraceful. A once great company from the great state of Ohio and now is failing quite a bit. Sad, really. They love me in Ohio. Ohio will go for Trump.”

Trump Tires has asked the Hamster to remind readers to drink Trump Vodka responsibly and not before driving.