The Biden administration has unveiled their new stimulus plan, which has proven to be quite innovative as it completely cuts out the middle man.

Rather than previous stimulus initiatives in which the government distributes money taken from your grandchildren, the grandchildren will now be paying directly. Should you not yet have children, the bill will simply be presented to them at birth. Should you never have children, some other dumb kids will pay for it.

When asked how the administration plans to get newborn infants to pay, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki told the Velvet Hamster she would have to circle back to that.