A new local mandate named the ‘try not to get sick’ mandate is imploring locals to try not to get sick.

While officials won’t go so far as to institute a mask mandate or vaccine mandate, the try not to get sick mandate asks that everyone try not to get sick by doing such things as not getting sick, and not doing things that would make them sick.

“We ask that everyone, effective immediately, try not to get sick,” a release from the mayor’s office said this morning. “Citizens will have the right to choose whether or not they get the vaccine and whether or not they wear a mask indoors or outdoors, but please for fuck’s sake try not to get sick.”

The mandate will exist in perpetuity.