While the existence of UFOs has essentially been confirmed by government officials, most U.S. citizens are too distracted by the re-openings of their favorite bars to notice.
High-ranking sources have acknowledged that pilots are encountering UFOs daily, with many of the unidentified aircraft being far more advanced than human aircraft. Despite this shocking revelation, a majority of Americans are too excited that the pandemic is winding down and they can go get trashed again at their favorite local watering holes.
“It just feels great to get back to normal,” one local bar patron told the Hamster as a flying saucer dashed over his head. “To be surrounded by friends, the $9 beers are flowing. Probably will end up at a Taco Bell around 2 a.m. It’s just like the before times.”
Our research so far has shown the longer you remain in the newly reopened bars, the less the UFOs and potential for alien invasions bothers you.