John Bolton playing Risk by himself until next war

With talks of a conflict with Iran potentially heating up, the White House confirmed Friday that National Security Advisor John Bolton is actually playing Risk by himself waiting for the next war, as he has been for years.

Several Washington D.C. sources have said that Bolton has been engaged in the same game for years, despite having conquered the world already on the board. Bolton reportedly won’t stop the game until the next war breaks out, or until he destroys some of the smaller countries off the board completely.

“It’s kept him occupied,” a source told the Hamster on the condition of anonymity. “We’ve been trying to find him a real war in case he gets bored, but he seems content.”

Bolton has also been taking breaks by playing Stratego.