The Velvet Hamster can report exclusively that the venue for Joe Biden’s inaugural ball will be the ballroom at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

One insider told us “there were so many benefits to the venue, we just couldn’t pass it up. It’s outside the beltway, which makes it easier for security. It’s unexpected and down-to-earth, which will appeal to the millionaires in attendance, and the name ‘four seasons’ automatically connotes a luxury that cannot be matched. Really, it’s the perfect spot.”

Daryl from Four Seasons Total Landscaping seemed surprised that Velvet Hamster had come by this closely-held information, asking “We have a ballroom?”