A day after news broke that President Donald Trump has considered exploring the possibility of the U.S. purchasing Greenland, the Hamster has learned some of the inside details of his pursuit.
Trump initially approached Denmark about the idea, noting he preferred to pay via Venmo or Cash App. He was shot down, though, with the Danish trying to convey to him that Greenland was not for sale and he should stop offering Bed Bath and Beyond coupons, too.
The closest negotiations came centered around Trump trading Massachusetts along with “some shitty states” in exchange for Greenland. Those negotiations fell apart, too, once Trump was told he could not build a casino on the land as a condition of the deal.