President Joe Biden and Senate Republicans have finally reached a compromise on a stimulus plan, agreeing on one lone $1,400 check that will be disguised for one lucky kid as a Golden Ticket.
The compromise comes as Senate Republicans thought Biden’s proposal was too large, but Biden wanted to make sure it was shiny. This plan, both sides say, is the bipartisan best of both worlds.
“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker,” Biden said at a news conference Wednesday. “That’s what I said to my friends across the aisle before we did the thing here where we came together as one and did the thing. If we don’t pass this we’ll all become blueberries.”
The Golden Ticket will be hidden in just one mailbox at random. Everyone is eligible, except illegal immigrants at Republicans’ wishes.