A new analysis from people who do those things shows the nation would be in much better financial, moral and spiritual shape if it just tweeted a little more.

Studies show that the nation doesn’t tweet nearly enough, and when it does, it’s not angry enough. More tweets – at least one per hour per person – with additional capital letters and usually targeted at a person you don’t know would help the nation move forward in any responsible way. The study notes the president has done a good job of this, as have other sociopaths of all kinds of beliefs, but regular Americans need to do their part too.

The Hamster is declining to partake until more research is available.