Toilet paper shortages are hitting stores across the nation. Luckily, there are several easy alternatives to toilet paper you can adopt right away.

  1. Scooting: Man’s best friend has been doing it forever. Why not join your furry pal? This has the downside of needing to clean your floor after, but you probably needed to do that at some point anyway.
  2. Napkins: Here’s a hack. There is no napkin shortage yet. Get ahead of everyone and get some Bounty napkins in bulk.
  3. Newspaper: No one subscribes to these anymore so it’s tricky. But if you’re the one person, this is an easy alternative.
  4. Forced constipation: Cheese is delicious. Here is an excuse to eat a lot of it.
  5. Long showers: Who doesn’t love a long shower? Just spend extra time turned around.
  6. Old t-shirts: What were you going to do, donate them?
  7. Lots of tissues: Just one won’t work. Ball up like 6 or 7 and you won’t even know the difference.
  8. Diapers: They’re comfy. It’s OK to admit. And if this coronavirus thing is wrapped up quickly you might not need to change them.
  9. Hosing yourself down: With the weather warming up this can be a lot of fun outdoors.
  10. Accepting a tummy ache: Cows are already holding in their farts to save the planet. You can too.
  11. Old receipts: You probably have some saved for no real reason. They’ve finally come in handy.
  12. Ignorance: This is the easiest option. Pretend you didn’t just poop, and live your life.