After suffering the first first round playoff exit of his career, Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James has been giving interviews in a full body cast in hopes that it will look like a valid excuse for his poor performance.

“Tough loss, I’m in some pain,” James said postgame Thursday night. “Not much, just a shoulder thing. My hamstring is sore. Maybe a broken wrist. I’m tired and I’m hungry and my tail’s froze and my nose is froze and my ears are froze. My back is aching. My bra is too tight. My booty is shaking from the left to the right. But it’s amazing we won two games with all that considered.”

James added that the shortened offseason, play-in game, COVID-19 vaccine side effects, bad hotel beds in Phoenix, tough Los Angeles commute, a hot start to summer and a new cleaning lady in his home accidentally misplacing his most comfortable pairs of underwear all probably contributed to the Lakers’ playoff defeat.