After hearing that kids these days aren’t watching traditional television, Mike Bloomberg has found a new way to ensure that the American public has no respite from his commercials – taking over all streaming services.

As one of the old white billionaires vying for the democratic ticket, Bloomberg purchased each and every streaming service that exists to play his advertisements nonstop until primary season is over. He has secured an option to extend the takeover through the general election should he be able to purchase the nomination.

Insiders say that Bloomberg plans to take over every podcast, billboard, and TikTok account in the nation as well. This story is developing.