By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Remember George Floyd
In a horrible example of police brutality earlier this week, a man named George Floyd was killed. This rightfully sparked in protests around the country. However, as tends to happen, people who prey on anger and division got involved and turned the protests into riots, with violence and looting on full display.
Verdict: We are doomed if we aren’t hungry for justice, and we are doomed if we let division get stoked into rioting which only divides us further.
Look for the helpers
Even in the darkest of situations, let’s not forget that there are people willing to help. They are the light. The “armed rednecks” are both black and white men who support the protests but not the rioting, and they’re standing guard outside stores to help protect the business owners and their livelihoods.
Verdict: If we help each other, we will be ok. Love can overcome the doom.
Community pitches in
After the rioting in Minneapolis, the community pitched in to clean up. A simple act like this, working together to improve the community, is how we overcome the dumb things that divide us.
Verdict: We are not doomed when we work together to combat injustice everywhere, and when we are willing to step in and help.
Well, that’s not good.
Monkeys in India attacked a lab assistant, stole COVID-19 samples, and ran away with them. That is a true story.
Verdict: Oh, we’re doomed.
Tacos For Good
A lot of families rely on school lunches to feed their kids and, right now, people are in need more than ever. Taco Cabana, a restaurant in the great state of Texas, is stepping in to help out. If you bring our kid (12 and under) to a restaurant, they will give said kid a free kids meal. That’s a bean and cheese taco, chips and queso, and a milk. You don’t have to buy anything, there are no questions asked, they’re just helping people feed their kids.
Verdict: Tacos are always a force for good, and people helping right in their communities is the best way to prevent doom.
Romance in 2020
When you think of a romantic dinner in Paris, does it include a cone of silence?
Verdict: I’m all for staying safe, but this is a little much. If we are ruled by fear, we are probably doomed.
The Minister’s Cat is a…disappearing cat?
The Dean of Canterbury was doing a video to his flock this week when Leo the cat stole the show. The cat enters the screen, goes under the dean’s cassock, and…finds a portal to another dimension. It’s hard to say.
Verdict: This one could go either way. It’s Schroedinger’s doom, to be honest.
It doesn’t work that way
Indiana has named all educators in the state “teacher of the year” for 2021. This would have been a great opportunity to recognize a teacher who came up with innovative ways to teach remotely, to keep kids connected and eased their transition, who didn’t make parents want to smash something. Instead, they took the easy way out.
Verdict: I have no doubt this has been hard for all teachers (and all parents with kids who go to school). It’s been hard for all of us, and their jobs are very relationship-focused. Instead, they pretended everyone is equal. The teacher burning the candle at both ends of the night to find things to engage students and the teacher putting students through worksheet hell. Why work hard? Major doom.
This kid is solid
When 7 year-old Curtis Rodgers found out that his Nanny, high school senior Rachel Champan, had her prom cancelled because of COVID, he wanted to do something nice for her. This little guy threw her a “mini prom” and they had a socially-distanced dinner of Chick-Fil-A and Tropical Smoothies in the backyard.
Verdict: He saw something he could do to be kind and he did it. That’s the best way to overcome doom.
It does work that way
A jewelry store in Michigan decided to start stocking groceries, thereby deeming them an essential business and allowing them to open.
Verdict: Creative thinking will save us all.
It was incredible to see a private company sent Americans into space – from America. It gave me a burst of patriotic pride and I almost had a feeling about it.
Verdict: While people dream and do, we are not doomed.
Where are the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles
The CDC is warning of “unusual or aggressive rodent behavior” since, with restaurants closed, they’re now fighting for fewer resources. The only thing I know that can fix such rats are The Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles or, possibly, Westley from The Princess Bride. I’m unclear on if these are ROUSs, though, or just regular-sized rats behaving badly. Maybe ROUSs aren’t scheduled for a few more months.
Verdict: I don’t see any way this is good news. Aren’t the cicadas bad enough?
How about no?
Dating in the modern age is profoundly stupid. Case in point: people are putting their antibody test results in their dating profiles.
Verdict: I get that you don’t want to get coronavirus from your date, but there’s got to be a better way to find your one true love (or your one-night-stand).
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. Let me help!