Sources have confirmed to the Hamster that the coronavirus vaccine the U.S. has ordered from Pfizer is actually just a can of Vernors and a positive attitude.

The U.S. government ordered 100 million doses of the vaccine from Pfizer and BioNTech for $1.95 billion Wednesday, with the promise it will be free to Americans if proven safe and effective. The Hamster learned shortly thereafter what the ingredients are.

“We’ve studied this extensively, with both Vernors and Diet Vernors,” an unnamed source at Pfizer said. “You drink one can, and keep a positive attitude… you’re immune. From everything.”

The Hamster has been testing this Vernors method mixed with whiskey.