In a bold, selfless act, Vice President Kamala Harris is on a mission to save rural America by opening a Kinko’s wherever it is the rubes live, she announced Monday.
Harris said she was planning to visit some bumblefuck town on the country bumpkinside and open a Kinko’s where it’ll be easy for rubes to photocopy their IDs, once they learn how to photocopy. The White House is prepared to introduce a $400 billion program to teach the rubes, but Harris says opening the Kinko’s is step one.
“In towns like this, wherever this is, they don’t have access to things like Kinko’s or running water,” Harris said in some rural town with farms and factories and shit. “It’s a different style of life when you don’t have Kinko’s or Uber Black or kombucha. Look at how these people live. We need to help them. I should actually be talking slower.”
No one attended the Kinko’s grand opening, and it is expected to soon close.