Despite champagne being the traditional drink for New Year’s Eve, a weary populace is buying Everclear and Fireball in record numbers to bid goodbye to 2020. 

“Champagne is for celebrating,” said Brandon French, a guy we met in the liquor store. “I mean, I’m glad this nightmare of a year is almost over, but I don’t want to celebrate. I just want to forget.”

The Velvet Hamster would like to caution our readers against early celebration and there is no evidence 2021 has anything better in store. Our research has also shown that 2020 was not bad enough for people to drink Malort.