In honor of Presidents’ Day, President Trump is hosting an elaborate quinceañara for himself with a petting zoo, a bouncy White House and a Trump steak dinner for attendees.

“We’re not sure he knows what a quinceañara is, but everybody is afraid to ask,” one insider told the Velvet Hamster. “So, we’re just doing our best to ensure this is a tremendous party and cross our fingers.” 

There is no record of Trump having had a quinceañara on his 15th birthday, but records are hazy.