Former royals and current attention-seekers Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have left British tabloids confused after refusing them access, as they didn’t want it to begin with.

The pair have released a statement telling four British newspapers that they are barred from all future access, but the papers have confirmed to the Velvet Hamster that they don’t want it anyway.

“To be honest, they who won’t stop pitching us stories and sending grainy photographs” said a spokesman for the papers in question. “When they left for Canada, we thought maybe we’d stop hearing from them, then certainly when they moved to Los Angeles, but here they are. We’re honestly really confused by this statement and would like to reiterate that nobody actually cares what the second-in-line’s brother does. Most of the time, we can’t remember the first-in-line’s brother’s name. Not the Epstein one, the other one.”

 Prince Edward could not be reached for comment.