By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I will take the latest news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Get ready to be inspired
Like everyone else, this actress can’t get her hair done but, unlike everyone else, she found a way to virtue signal about it.
Verdict: I do like that she’s talking about how we spend our time and energy, and how we should have empathy for those on the front lines. However, how about keeping this private rather than making it public for everyone to tell you how great you are?
Compare and Contrast
Compare that with this neighborhood that got together to perform a “concert” for a nurse neighbor.
Verdict: This is something personal, kind and thoughtful. This isn’t virtue-signaling. This doesn’t suggest imminent doom. In fact, it quite suggests the opposite.
A simple act of kindness
Here’s another act of kindness without fanfare. Ross Dobson, an Australian man suffering from brain tumors thinks he’s best friends with pro golfer Adam Scott. So, Adam Scott gave him a call and they had a chat about life and golf. When Ross’s daughter asked him what he thought of Adam calling, he said “What are you talking about? Of course Adam would call. He wants a game.”
Verdict: It’s a good thing just to be kind for no reason other than to be kind. As long as people are willing to do this, we’re not doomed.
That’s not how masks work
In Illinois, people are asking that you “tip your mask” (kind of like tipping your hat) to “prevent confusion and racial bias.” It also means you’re touching your mask and getting its germs all over your hands and removing your mask so all the germies can escape and maybe even sneeze on somebody.
Verdict: People are taking social justice stuff to such a degree that they’re willing to ignore science. We’re completely doomed.
If I Must
With restaurants closed, farmers are having trouble selling all of their crops. In Belgium, citizens are being asked to do their patriotic duty by eating French fries twice a week, therefore helping potato farmers.
Verdict: I’m glad the government is encouraging private citizens to help their farming neighbors and hope it works! I’m just mad I can’t put my love of pommes frites down to patriotism.
Come on, Seattle
Seattle schools have decided to do their students a great disservice by deciding to give every student an A for the spring semester. They did not check with colleges to see if this would impact how they look at Seattle students’ grades for admissions. They denied a board member’s request to take a breath and explore what the implications could be. While they said it’s to help students, it turns out that Seattle schools are also way behind other districts in online learning – and this covers up their failure.
Verdict: This is just doom from every angle. It tells hard-working students that their work is useless. It tells those who didn’t work as hard that it doesn’t matter. It covers up a failing district so that they can continue to fail students in the future. We don’t even know the extent of the damage, because the school board wouldn’t bother to check. Messing up a child’s education is a pretty good way to ensure imminent doom.
Principal Virdie Montgomery of Wylie High School in Texas took 80 hours over 12 days, travelled 800 miles, and visited every one of the 612 members of the class of 2020. “I get emotional real easy with my kids,” Wylie told the television station. “And I just didn’t feel like I was doing enough. It just seemed like the right thing to do.” Maybe Seattle could take a lesson in how to be a good educator.
Verdict: This gives me some hope for a doom-free future in education.
Of course, what 2020 needed was an insect that is literally called the “murder hornet.” They’re here in the U.S. and ready to murder. Even a beekeeper’s suit won’t stop their sting.
Verdict: I guess we’ll see. This could be pretty doomy.
We’re all feeling a little isolated right now, so it’s awesome when people can think of fun ways to make us feel connected- like Monty Python. This house put a sign outside saying that passers-by are now entering the jurisdiction of the Ministry of Silly Walks. People definitely got on board.
Verdict: Making lemonades of lemons is how we prevent doom from setting in. This family is nailing it.
You Reap What You Sow
Alfred Colimodio, the owner of Sanford Pizza Company in Florida was approached by a stranger. He said he was hungry and would really appreciate something to eat if Colimodio could help him out. Just a few minutes after he left with his pizza, a restaurant regular came in and offered him $1,000. He just wanted to help out a local business, help him pay his employees and keep the business afloat.
Verdict: The two events weren’t really related, but I think they are. When you do good things, when you’re kind to others, when you’re the kind of person that is willing to help people out, people will want to be there for you, too. We determine how doomed we are.
Police in Texas seriously spent their time and money on a “sting” to catch a couple of women offering salon services. That’s it. They’re were doing eyelashes and stuff Yes, they broke the stay at home order. This just seems like a lot of work and resources for a couple of women trying to make ends meet during an economic disaster. It’s about as dumb as a Hawaiian brewery running afoul of the liquor board for giving away hand sanitizer.
Verdict: Being reasonable doesn’t exist anymore and, thus, we are doomed.
Kentucky Governor Andy Bashear had to apologize to a man named Tupac Shakur after using him as an example of people using fake names to get extra unemployment benefits. Turns out this was an actual guy who had changed his name to that of the iconic rapper.
Verdict: We’re kinda doomed here, to be honest. He should have fact-checked this before using the example in a speech, and I have a lot of questions about somebody who wants to be Tupac Shakur. There are people out there who did incredible things to make the world a better place – maybe steal one of their names? Or, you know, just be yourself.
Thank you, moms.
This commercial had me having feelings.
Verdict: The inherent goodness in these kids made me so happy for the doom-free future we can have. Life, please don’t ruin their sweet spirits.
While museums are closed, what are curators to do? Several are taking to social media to share the creepiest object in their collections. Yikes.
Verdict: I love it. It’s a great way to have fun and keep people engaged. However, we will be doomed if people don’t head back to museums when we can.
Some restaurants are turning their parking lots into drive-in theaters and I am here for it.
Verdict: Again, jealous. This is a great idea. Lets us have fun while staying safe and get the restaurants some income. Ingenuity and fun – no doom here.
IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS:
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. Let me help!