By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Happy Mother’s Day!
It’s Mother’s Day in America and my friend has some timely thoughts for such an occasion. We talk a lot about heroes – the term is probably overused. But one group that never gets the recognition they deserve are people out there working to keep their families together when it’s easy and when it’s hard.
It’s that love and commitment that makes a family, which is why it’s also awesome that 2020s Gerber baby is their first who was adopted.
Verdict: Keeping our priorities straight is a pretty good way to prevent doom.
Come & Get It
Gustavus, Alaska, was cut off from its grocery supply chain during the coronavirus, so this guy took matters into his own hands to take care of his town.
Verdict: A person helping out his neighbors is the epitome of undoomed.
Why are you the way that you are?
This guy went into a store without a mask and was told he had to be wearing one. Whether you agree with that or not, I think we can all agree that the proper response is not wiping your nose on the employee.
Verdict: Full doom. This employee isn’t behind the regulations, he’s just trying to keep his job. You don’t have to shop there if you don’t want to wear one, but wiping your nose on another human is never acceptable after the age of 4 (and that’s stretching it).
Weatherdog.
Remember the weather cat? Well, buckle up, because now there’s Brody the Weather Dog.
Verdict: No doom here. I don’t even care what the weather was, dogs make everything ok.
Loose Lips
Let’s not turn into a country that counts snitching among our hobbies. A judge has created a tattletale website for people who aren’t following the coronarules, and I hope it dies from underuse (which is not how websites work but I don’t care, it’s still my hope).
Verdict: I’ll reserve judgment until I know if people actually use this monstrosity.
This is what you want?
We’ve got a real problem if people want to be famous so much that they’re willing to wet their pants on TikTok.
Verdict: These people should feel only shame. If they feel anything but shame, we are doomed.
Ew.
New York closed the subway this week for the first time to deep clean.
Verdict: We are completely doomed that it has never been deep cleaned. They’ve never closed it before for cleaning, ever. That’s just gross. The fact that they let coronavirus spread through this germ tube means we’re completely doomed. The fact that they did, in fact, clean it, mitigates this by about 5%.
This is exhausting.
I’m not down with breaking the law, but I’m also not down with laws being ridiculous. People act as though wanting to let people get back to work safely is tantamount to wanting people to die, which is just…wrong.
Take Shelly Luther. She opened her salon because she needed to work. She was arrested and put in jail. Meanwhile, cities have announced they will not be arresting people for things like stealing cars and rapists and murderers are being let out of prison so they don’t get coronavirus.
Anyway, it’s all awful, but I’m glad Texas AG Paxton let her out. I’m glad Governor Abbott supported her. I’m glad Ted Cruz went to her for a haircut.
Verdict: Nobody should be put in this situation. It’s doomy.
Team Emerson
11 year-old Emerson has brought some sunshine into a lot of lives by writing a very special letter. Check out the thread at this link:
Verdict: We’re not doomed if we remember that these little acts of kindness can be the biggest deal.
Oh, Canada.
A woman was trying to drum up business by dressing as a stormtrooper and the police were called because she had a “gun” which was, obviously, a toy blaster. Why is Canada like this?
Verdict: I’m part Canadian, so this kind of doom really hurts. But, doom is doom and must be reported as such.
Can you dig it?
I didn’t even know that archaeology could happen during a quarantine, but it can and I love it. Archaeologists discovered unknown forts, a lost henge, possible hillforts, and a man found roman treasure in his field. Why doesn’t that ever happen to me?
Verdict: Learning never stops, exploring never stops, and that can only mean that we’re not doomed.
The royal treatment
Little princess Charlotte has been delivering homemade pasta to the elderly. She is the best. Her 5th birthday was just a few days ago – look how cute she is.
Verdict: Helping others should start young. Good for The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge for teaching their kids so well. Maybe we’re not going to be doomed if parenting like this continues.
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In the final analysis…
Sure, people are out there snitching on each other and getting people arrested for dressing like Stormtroopers or cutting hair. Yes, there are murder hornets and a really disgusting public transportation system. But, there are also people helping their neighbors, families loving on each other and there are dogs. We aren’t doomed just yet.
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editor@velvethamster.com. Let me help!