By Amelia Hamilton
Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Don’t tell me how
A bodybuilder from Kazakstan recently “married” his sex doll, but he was still destined to spend Christmas alone. His robot wife Margo is broken and at a repair shop. Christmas is observed on January 7 in Kazakstan and it’s not looking likely dear Margo will be home. I just hope I live out the rest of my days not knowing how she was broken.
Verdict: We’re doomed on several levels here, the key doom being that people are so lonely and yet so scared of real connection that they will marry a robot.
Soft kitty, airborne kitty
Last week, someone left a plush cat on a flight from Kansas City to Atlanta. Flight attendant Fabiola Figueroa took it upon herself to find the kitty’s owner. Hopefully, they will be reunited quickly!
Verdict: That this flight attendant cares enough to get a kid their stuffed animal tells me there is still kindness in the world. There are still people who simply care about one another. That’s all we need to prevent doom.
This can’t be good
Again, I ask, has no one ever seen a movie? It turns out that China is testing out some kind of weird new technology on soldiers that will turn them into biologically enhanced supersoldiers. France is doing the same, but it just seems less threatening.
Verdict: I guess it’s possible these super soldiers can be used for good, but I’m going to go ahead and assume we are doomed.
Help for those who need it
A Florida landlord is offering tenants $100 off past-due rent for every hour of volunteer work they undertake in the community if they’ve lost income due to the pandemic.
Verdict: Rather than making matters worse for families and communities in need, these landlords found a way to help those families by helping the communities. That’s not doomed at all!
In the final analysis… We have people “marrying” robots and super soldiers on the loose, but we also have people supporting their communities and doing what they can to help a kid be reunited with a beloved toy, so maybe we’ll be ok. Just try to behave yourselves in 2021, ok?
Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editorial@velvethamster.com. Let me help!