By Amelia Hamilton

Welcome to Are We Doomed? The weekly column in which I take a look at recent news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.

Blast from the Past or Back to the Future?

There are no aliens this week, so it makes sense that we are bending the rules of time and space instead. Right? Sure. I’ve never heard of time crystals, but they’re interacting now. So, prepare yourself for that I guess? Maybe they have something to do with time travel, which is also a thing now. 

Probably unrelated to the Chinese asteroid mining robot, but I wouldn’t swear to it.

Verdict: I can’t imagine there’s any end to this that isn’t doom. 

Baby Yoda FTW

An act of kindness can make a bigger difference than you think. 

Verdict: If we could all have the open hearts of this little guy, there’s no way we could be doomed. After all, we all need a snuggle sometimes.

Bad Influence

Five parrots were donated (from different owners) to the Lincolnshire Wildlife Park in England. They were put together to quarantine and now they’re swearing at each other – and visitors. Since they egged each other on, the birds are being separated in hopes that they’ll clean up their act around families. 

Verdict: We’re doomed; even the wildlife is acting up. 

Oh no you didn’t

I am unable to even.

Verdict: Rick Moranis is off limits. We’re talking about Seymour Krelborn. Dark Helmet. ALL OF THE OTHER THINGS. A man who left Hollywood at the height of his career so he could be with his kids full time after his wife died of cancer. We are doomed because people are punching people on the street. We are doomed if this person isn’t caught and put in the stocks or whatever you do with these people. We aren’t doomed because the world is united in their rage. Rick. Moranis. Is. Off. Limits. 

Filling a need

There’s nothing I like more than when somebody sees a need in their community and fills it (I said that about dogs and hockey, too, didn’t I? I guess they’re all tied for “thing I like most”). 

Verdict: Helping each other is the only way to stop the doom.

In the final analysis… We’ve got some kind of time vortex and a Chinese asteroid robot or something, but there are also people helping in their communities and sending love and support to those who need it. Things are getting weird out there, but we’re not doomed yet.

Want to know if your situation is doomed? Write and tell me about what’s going on and I’ll let you know what you can do to keep the doom at bay (unless it’s just totally doomed, in which case I’ll tell you that, too). You can tweet me @ameliahammy using #AskAmHam, message me through my Facebook page, or e-mail editor@velvethamster.com. Let me help!