While cow farts are reported down across the country – upon the urging of progressive Democrats – cow tummy aches are reported way up, as cows are trying their best to hold in all their farts.
After feeling the heat from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and other progressive members of Congress, cows across the country have stepped up to try and “do their part” to save the planet. Most cows are reportedly proud of their contributions, but have also reported an intense increase in stomach pains.
Some economists saw this coming.
“This is an unsurprising, unintended consequence of trying to take over the economy,” read a new report from the Center of Cattle & Capitalism, a niche and little known think tank. “Farmers now need to slip Tums in their cows’ food on the regular to alleviate the pain. We need to look to other options to fight climate change, and let livestock everywhere pass their necessary gas.”
Congressional Democrats, meanwhile, forecast that the cows commitment to holding in their farts has saved the planet at least another year of its existence, though they sympathize with the tummy pain the cows are incurring.